This family's middle name is 'estranged,' to say the least, but in the face of losing the eldest of many siblings, people came from everywhere to see him; from several states away after not seeing my Uncle in over 25 years or more. People called who haven't even talked to him in years, and people who never cry at even the saddest of stories, wept like infants.
I tend to live much of my life in my head, in Science, in study, and safely tucked away from the heart-strings that go sharp and flat too easily. I wasn't always this way though... But now I find myself less creative, less expressive and less attached to suffering. While this has it's place, for sure, I connected with a lost part of myself through this experience and I'd like to hold onto it.
I see my own mother's mortality and how important she is to me. I realized the importance of connections, whether blood related or chosen relatives such as dearest friends. I realized where to let go of things in life and when something is actually not as important as you make yourself believe. I realized I want to spend every single moment making the most of my life because things will constantly change. Acknowledge the sweetness of this delicate life and stop waiting for 'something' in order to do or be something now.
When I'm struck with emotion, I tend to express myself through writing music or poetry. My brain instantly shifts from logical to creative and I damn near speak in rhymes and think in 3/4 time. Here is what came up while at the hospital...
it will live forever free.
Deep rooted, strong and wise,
what could ever be its demise?
I grew up beneath the shadow of this tree,
fast cars, big cigars, left for us to grieve.
Big oak, giant shadow,
reduced again to seed.
Can you hear me, do you see me?
I see you, or at least i.c.u., for now.
Laying in bed, tonight's quiet close.
The hospital sleeps, tomorrow we'll know.
bone dry until I'm down and out.
Without your care, like you're unaware,
until I'm in Intensive Care.
Maybe we learned to take better care,
forced aware with each pump of air.
My body is tired, my life is strained,
but at least we're all being trained.
You can't live your life,
creating daily strife.
Value your own life with intensive care,
life is too short to be so unfair.