As a Holistic Wellness Coach, my services end up spanning such a vast array of topics so individualized that it is difficult to summarize or even list what one might expect during our coaching session/appointment.
As they open up about their ailments and desires for wellness, unexpected relatedness comes up, and this isn't always easy for them to talk about.
Recently, during an appointment with somebody we will call "Jane," (because that's what you call a woman when you aren't really using her real name) the following tools came into play:
- Interpersonal Coaching
- Communication Coaching
- Astrology Assessment
- Acute & Chronic Health Alternatives using Nutrition, Homeopathy and Aromatherapy
- Mind, Body, Spirit Healing Behind her ailments
- Meditation and more
What I'd like to share with you was a lesson she taught herself while revealing something I think we can all relate to: feeling used.
"I feel like they [my friends] only seek my company for my services and not me personally," said Jane.
She went on to express that she later realized they only text her when they have a cooking question; they only email to talk about having her host a dinner party; and she was starting to think she should be charging for their 'teatimes' since it was turning into work anyhow. Despite their offers to "share the batch of cookies once they're done" or "host the dinner party next time," they never follow-through and she isn't about to remind them of their offers.
What to do about the feelings of burnout when your friends seem to only want you for your services?
The part that hurts is that she feels more dread than joy when these friends text. Rather than exchanging their time, they're taking her time and asking her to offer her valuable training, which she makes a living doing, over what should be their time to release and connect on a personal level.
After asking whether or not she has expressed her feelings to her friends, she said no, "I don't want them to feel hurt since I know they are not intentionally trying to hurt me." That's just it, though...
The people who are used to taking, are often unaware when they need to give.
And while they are not mindfully seeking her time with an intent to injure her, they are also not mindfully offering their most valuable asset: their time.
The start of change...
- Tell them the way you feel. How else can they realize you need more than what they're used to experiencing with you if you don't tell them? Maybe they see you as the most generous person of your time and if only you were to ask, they'd offer their own services back to you. Thing is, you're not asking!
- Ask them to make an appointment. If they'd like to discuss your line of work, whether you're a chef, teacher, doctor or carpenter, they should request that specific time with you. It is up to you how you arrange compensation, which your services are certainly worthy of. These friends need to realize that you also need some time off - some time away from your career to go recharge with friends.
- Don't own their story. By this, I suggest you realize that some people are just wired differently - whether due to astrology, religion, upbringing, or whatever. A person you are choosing to feel harmed by may truly intend nothing of the sort and may be completely remorseful that they have caused you anything but joy.